"Women have the relationships that they create"

Today out of the blue, while I was entering items on the database at work, a phrase I recently heard or saw on tv (not quite sure which one) surfaced in my mind....

"Women have the relationships that they create"

Seems simple enough, eh? Well, when I thought about it a little deeper, I realized that this statement really holds quite a bit of poignancy. I've always wondered why I've never been in a successful relationship with a man and why there is always some massive flaw or error dooming the relationship from the word 'go', and ultimately causing it to fail. I always chalked it up to being the fault of the man; I always date 'bad boys', he did this or that wrong, he cheated on me, he wouldn't commit, etc etc etc., yet after letting my thoughts linger on that statement for a while, I realized that the fault was not in the men I date (despite all their obvious flaws), the fault instead belongs to me.

Understanding that "women have the relationships that they create", forced me to reflect on all my past (and many) relationships. Even if the man I was dating at the time was not treating me well or being a good boyfriend, the fact of the matter is that I let them be and act the way that they did. It has taken me a very long time to realize that the power to create a healthy relationship lies within me, and the reason I have had so many awful ones is because I let it happen.

I have let men walk all over me, take advantage of my generosity, patience, and forgiveness, scream and verbally abuse me, belittle me to no end, act like crazy jealous fools, make themselves and their friends a priority over me, never tell me I'm beautiful, not put forth any effort whatsoever to make me feel special or to make the relationship work, never call me when they say they will, not try to get to know my family or show any interest in my passions, make every excuse in the book to not follow through, not think twice about sending me flowers or a nice card 'just because', never want to have stimulating conversations or learn anything about each other, be totally satisfied with being average.....

That is by no means what I want, but I let it all happen... I creat those situations for myself by not standing up for what things should be. I put up with all the crap they throw my way in the hopes that maybe some good would come out of it. Well, I'm sick of it. I am not going to have anymore nasty and unhealthy relationships created and tolerated by me. I am not going to put up with a man that doesn't treat me like a princess. Does this sound high maintenance? well too bad. It's about damn time for me to be a little high maintenance. If I'm willing to put everything that I have into a relationship, then I'm going to expect the same. I'm tired of being so nice all the time with no reciprocation at all. The only thing it does is make me feel awful about myself. I'm sick of being the only one to make any effort at all to hold things together, especially if the relationship is long distance. If I'm willing to walk a mile, my man damn well better be willing to walk two. I'm sick of putting myself out there just to wind up broken and hurt.

I am so exhausted with the run around games that men play, and am finished with being used. I am done settling for men that aren't willing to travel the earth a million times over to be with me. It's hard to see my friends getting married and dating men that completely adore them. Although I don't by any means wish away their happiness, seeing how these look at their women with complete adoration and unconditional love is something I've never experienced. It can definitely get me down at times and remind me of what I don't have and never felt. Seven years of unhealthy and failed relationships have jaded me almost to the point of no return and left me feeling worthless and small. I don't think it's too much to ask for someone to genuinely care about me and do whatever is within their power to express it.

"Women have the relationships that they create"... I guess I need to start creating better ones.